My husband Cameron and I became pregnant in March 2015. We had always looked forward to starting a family and then, there we were, parents!  In June our little boy was revealed to us. There he was spread legged in an ultrasound, and our hearts were full at the prospect of raising a gentleman.  My pregnancy was a dream, though I had nausea, back aches, exhaustion and much more, I always seemed to love being pregnant.  I loved talking to my boy, feeling his kicks, jumping at his hiccups -- he had a rhythm throughout the day and I loved anticipating it.

On November 30th Grayson was born. He arrived a hefty boy weighing 8 pounds and 3 ounces and 21 inches long.  He cried out so loudly when he emerged. The nurses quickly began checking him, Cameron cut the cord, and then they all realized something was wrong.  He was hurried to the NICU with his father right behind. I was taken to a recovery room, I was in a daze, I could hardly open my eyes.  It seemed like a lifetime later my husband came in and told me something was wrong. He said our son may need heart surgery and that they were still trying to figure out exactly what was wrong.  Later they discovered Grayson had "Transposition of the Great Vessels." Doctors told us he would need to be transported to Kaiser Sunset for heart surgery.  Cameron and Grayson were airlifted to Children's Hospital LA and then taken by ambulance across the street to Kaiser.  When they arrived a capable team was waiting to care for my boy; they worked efficiently and purposefully.  The doctor told Cameron that he performed this surgery often with a very high success rate. He said Grayson would need about five weeks to recover.  Before the main surgery a stint needed to be placed in Grayson's heart. During this first procedure Grayson's heart quickly closed where the stint was and an emergency blood and plasma transfusion was given.  The doctor then suggested they use a metal stint, but that Grayson's heart was not strong and hope was dwindling.  It was during this second procedure that Grayson left us here on earth. 

Though his life was short, he made an amazing, unending impact on our lives.  A letter from Grayson's grandfather gives a heartfelt report of this.

Like countless other grandparents before, Cristie and I waited for months anticipating the birth of our first grandson. On Monday evening that wait ended with the birth of Grayson Alexander (an 8lb., 3oz. strawberry blonde, blue eyed boy) was born to our son Cameron and his wife Lexi. But only hours later, after the reality of a weak heart made breathing a challenge too great to meet Grayson died. One word has pressed its way into my mind this morning:  WITHOUT.

Without taking a step, Grayson walked into our hearts and expanded our capacity to love, and to hurt, and to hope; to feel.

Without saying a word, Grayson drove us deep into the truth of Scripture and declared a God who knows, a God who cares, a God whose plans are not our own; plans far better than our own.

Without reaching out a hand, Grayson touched us, and warmed us, and reminded us of the beauty and fragility of life; showing us God's great gift.

Without a smile, he brought joy.  Without a cry, he brought tears.

In just a few hours we are certain he was without sin, but equally certain as a child of man he was not without guilt. Yet, God's Word leads us to believe he did not die without hope. A hope that comes from the source of all hope; the reality of God's grace afforded through His Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ. While we are without full understanding of how; we are without doubt confident that Grayson is kept by the very grace that keeps all of us who believe in Him.

Without ever climbing, or reaching, or striving; Grayson made his parents proud.
Without ever falling, or scratching, or bruising; Grayson drove them to trust in God's catching, God's mending, and God' healing most of all.

Without ever knowing it, Grayson wrote this letter on my heart. Without crayon or paper, he scribbled truth that is timeless, it is God who gives life, numbers our days, and measures eternity.

And now you have read his letter. By that, he has walked into your life, spoken into your ears, reached out and touched you, and warmed you, and reminded you. He has, I pray, brought you some joy and some tears. He has declared the hope of God's amazing grace. He has urged you to rest in God's arms, trust in God's Son, and realize God's promise of everlasting life.

Had he lived a hundred years it is hard to think how his life could have made more difference; all without living one full day.

Thanks for all your prayers, notes, and words of encouragement.
God's grace to you all, without a doubt, without measure, without end.